The end of another year is here and I am very grateful that I am still living life and enjoying every minute. It has been a sad year for a lot of people in our community still recovering from our fourteen tornadoes and our mass killings. The sound of wind is now a haunting sound that hammers our home and reminds us of that terrifying Sunday eve in May that kept us hiding under our stairs. The tornado sirens pierced the air and over a course of four hours places we once knew were destroyed. We are so blessed that the two homes we owned at the time were left untouched and our family that is scattered in different areas were safe. We pray everyday for all those who lost their homes and businesses. Life is never to be taken for granted.
I have spent the year moving, selling a house and trying to get healthy. My husband and I are happily enjoying our new home. My B12 deficiency has been rearing its ugly head and trying to come up with a way to control the symptoms has been hit or miss. The balance issues are the biggest problem and I had several bouts of vertigo that just about did me in. I have studied every thing I can get my hands on to understand this B12.
I have continued to take sublingual supplements of methylcobalamin daily and at times increased the dosage as was suggested by a doctor to control the symptoms. I am crossing my fingers that I will not have anymore bouts like my last one. My husband drove me to a nearby clinic to get help and for the first time a NP acknowledged my B12 deficiency and told me to keep taking the methylcobalamin. I was so elated that she knew about B12 and the symptoms it caused as I have bad luck with doctors who don't believe we need to supplement. I even had one tell me to eat lots of green vegetables???..... B12 comes from meat, fish, and dairy and is absorbed by the body with the help of intrinsic factor. Some people don't produce enough intrinsic factor and have to take daily supplements.
For all the doctors out there that don't understand the role B12 plays in the body, look it up and study it. The next time someone seems confused, trouble swallowing, short of breath, or dizzy with tingling sensations check their B12. The balance issue for me makes me feel awful. It nauseates me and causes vomiting and at times I have been unable to stand up. It explains so much of the health issues I have had over the years.
Since my visit with the NP my balance issue has improved with some helpful advice from her. I took it upon myself to up the dose of sublingual B12 and I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will continue to feel well.
I want to thank my wonderful caregiver my husband who stayed home from work with me during my last vertigo attack. He is paying it forward with me. He always tells everyone I take good care of him and he is taking good care of me.
Thank you to all the caregivers out there. You are wonderful people who have set aside your own needs at times and helped the people in your life that needed someone to care for them. May you have a wonderful New Year filled with gratitude and love.
Life is beautiful !!
Elizabeth:)
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Wednesday, December 18, 2019
Caregiving And Anticipatory Grief
It is the time of the year when things are suppose to be magical and filled with gratitude and love. We see a lot of people giving to others with big hearts. It is a shame that every day is not like the Christmas season. We decorate our homes with beautiful lights, send cards to people we don't see all year, and gather with family to catch up on what is happening in life. It is a magical time and one that makes us happy and sometimes sad.
The flip side of this season of holiday and cheer is stress and sadness. It reminds us of loved ones we lost and good times that we shared with them. Most people reflect on some kind of memory from a past Christmas whether it is good or bad. We spend time rushing to get the right gifts and hoping that everything is perfect for those around us. It can be stressful for anyone and especially for caregivers who dealing with their own responsibilities and helping the person that they are caring for.
I saw an article today about anticipatory grief. It is grief that happens when caring for someone that is still alive and the uncertainty of their time left with us. I felt this grief with my mother and husband when they were ill. It happens when we see our loved one ill and don't know how long they may be with us. We all know that we are going to die some day, but caring for someone with illnesses that don't have good a prognosis leave us with a sense of uncertainty of the future. We feel a loss of a life that was normal for us and the fear of losing someone that has shared our life is overwhelming to the mind. It is something that is really normal and I feel that people should not try to stop someone from experiencing it. Grief is a natural form of healing.
The anticipatory grief can happen also for elders who are experiencing empty nest and feelings of being a lone and separated from their grown children. I wrote about AG in my other blog a couple of years ago. I have experienced it on and off through my adult life. There is a saying that no matter how prepared we are for death or loneliness it hurts.
The best advice that I can give to others is to let caregivers talk about their fears and listen without judging them. If you know someone that is a caregiver reach out to them and ask how you can help so they may feel less burdened during the holiday season. Sometimes it is hard for the caregiver to ask for help. Sometimes we just have to jump in and remember this is the time of year to give to someone in need.
Visiting elders that live alone is a beautiful gift. The kindness of a hug, a warm plate of food, and talking is one of the greatest gifts for our soul. If unable to visit them pick up the phone and call them. Remember someday it may be you who is lonely.
Life is beautiful !
Elizabeth:)
The flip side of this season of holiday and cheer is stress and sadness. It reminds us of loved ones we lost and good times that we shared with them. Most people reflect on some kind of memory from a past Christmas whether it is good or bad. We spend time rushing to get the right gifts and hoping that everything is perfect for those around us. It can be stressful for anyone and especially for caregivers who dealing with their own responsibilities and helping the person that they are caring for.
I saw an article today about anticipatory grief. It is grief that happens when caring for someone that is still alive and the uncertainty of their time left with us. I felt this grief with my mother and husband when they were ill. It happens when we see our loved one ill and don't know how long they may be with us. We all know that we are going to die some day, but caring for someone with illnesses that don't have good a prognosis leave us with a sense of uncertainty of the future. We feel a loss of a life that was normal for us and the fear of losing someone that has shared our life is overwhelming to the mind. It is something that is really normal and I feel that people should not try to stop someone from experiencing it. Grief is a natural form of healing.
The anticipatory grief can happen also for elders who are experiencing empty nest and feelings of being a lone and separated from their grown children. I wrote about AG in my other blog a couple of years ago. I have experienced it on and off through my adult life. There is a saying that no matter how prepared we are for death or loneliness it hurts.
The best advice that I can give to others is to let caregivers talk about their fears and listen without judging them. If you know someone that is a caregiver reach out to them and ask how you can help so they may feel less burdened during the holiday season. Sometimes it is hard for the caregiver to ask for help. Sometimes we just have to jump in and remember this is the time of year to give to someone in need.
Visiting elders that live alone is a beautiful gift. The kindness of a hug, a warm plate of food, and talking is one of the greatest gifts for our soul. If unable to visit them pick up the phone and call them. Remember someday it may be you who is lonely.
Life is beautiful !
Elizabeth:)
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
When The Caregiver Is Sick
I am writing today to talk about when a caregiver gets sick. We are all at sometime going to get ill and unfortunately sometimes it happens when we are the one caring for someone else. I heard more than once and many times over that we must take care of ourselves or we won't be of any good to someone who is ill. This in my opinion can become a stressful situation when you the caregiver and your loved one is ill. I have read all the info out there about the caregivers taking care of themselves and sometimes it boils down to deciding who is going to take of who. There is a lot of stress and guilt that can be overwhelming when you and your loved one needs medical care.
During my career as a nurse I witnessed people who cared for their spouses and ended up ill or passing away from all the stress. It is not for us to judge people for what they felt they had to do. Even though there are organizations and facilities that can help people with care giving it is not without a cost. Sometimes with all the medical bills it becomes difficult for the caregiver to afford to reach out for help. Sometimes it is hard to get other family members to help and sometimes there is no other family members. I hate to sound pessimistic but this is reality for some people. I have found that sometimes total strangers have been willing to help when family didn't. Take a chance and tell everyone that you can reach out to that you are a caregiver. Speaking out opens the door for others to help.
I am the caregiver who was ill when my journey started with my husband back in 2010. I didn't realize how ill I was at the time. I had gone to the doctor on various occasions and reported how badly I felt, but was dismissed with instructions to exercise and eat well. I tried to hide the fact that I felt so bad from everyone. The biggest blow was being told there was nothing wrong and I needed to focus on my husband. I felt that I was not allowed to be ill. His cancer diagnosis trumped any illness I could have possibly had. The cancer also trumped how I felt emotionally. It is true that we here the word cancer and suddenly life is changed forever. That stigma is a hard one to change even though people are living longer with cancer now days.
My illness was left untreated and undiagnosed until 2016. I spent some difficult years trying to get through each day. I made several trips to the doctor over that six year period starting in 2011 and was always wondering if any doctor was going to listen to me. I am sharing this because I feel I made the mistake of seeing the same family doctor that my husband saw. It is my opinion that sometimes we need to be seen by different doctors than our spouse. I was my husband's cancer shadow. I felt that I had become labeled as a hypochondriac and someone who was seeking attention. My husband understood me and appreciated all I did for him and he realized it was a difficult time for me.
I looked for a new doctor somewhere around 2015 and that is when my voice started to be heard. I was a patient with a spouse, but they didn't know his medical history. I was not my husband's cancer shadow, but I was someone who was ill. I am grateful for the doctor that finally figured out what was wrong with me. I am better these days and enjoy my life under the sunny skies. My husband is doing well also. Together we healed and grew stronger.
It is of my opinion that sometimes we need to go to a doctor not associated with our spouse. This is not always true for all couples. If you feel you are not being heard then my opinion is to seek a new doctor. Every one's life is different and we all must find what works for us.
Caregivers speak up don't try to take on all the responsibility. It is not selfish or shameful to let others know when you are ill or just burned out. There is no shame in getting ill and we must realize that we are not always the super hero caregiver that others want us to be.
Life is Beautiful !!!
Elizabeth🌞
During my career as a nurse I witnessed people who cared for their spouses and ended up ill or passing away from all the stress. It is not for us to judge people for what they felt they had to do. Even though there are organizations and facilities that can help people with care giving it is not without a cost. Sometimes with all the medical bills it becomes difficult for the caregiver to afford to reach out for help. Sometimes it is hard to get other family members to help and sometimes there is no other family members. I hate to sound pessimistic but this is reality for some people. I have found that sometimes total strangers have been willing to help when family didn't. Take a chance and tell everyone that you can reach out to that you are a caregiver. Speaking out opens the door for others to help.
I am the caregiver who was ill when my journey started with my husband back in 2010. I didn't realize how ill I was at the time. I had gone to the doctor on various occasions and reported how badly I felt, but was dismissed with instructions to exercise and eat well. I tried to hide the fact that I felt so bad from everyone. The biggest blow was being told there was nothing wrong and I needed to focus on my husband. I felt that I was not allowed to be ill. His cancer diagnosis trumped any illness I could have possibly had. The cancer also trumped how I felt emotionally. It is true that we here the word cancer and suddenly life is changed forever. That stigma is a hard one to change even though people are living longer with cancer now days.
My illness was left untreated and undiagnosed until 2016. I spent some difficult years trying to get through each day. I made several trips to the doctor over that six year period starting in 2011 and was always wondering if any doctor was going to listen to me. I am sharing this because I feel I made the mistake of seeing the same family doctor that my husband saw. It is my opinion that sometimes we need to be seen by different doctors than our spouse. I was my husband's cancer shadow. I felt that I had become labeled as a hypochondriac and someone who was seeking attention. My husband understood me and appreciated all I did for him and he realized it was a difficult time for me.
I looked for a new doctor somewhere around 2015 and that is when my voice started to be heard. I was a patient with a spouse, but they didn't know his medical history. I was not my husband's cancer shadow, but I was someone who was ill. I am grateful for the doctor that finally figured out what was wrong with me. I am better these days and enjoy my life under the sunny skies. My husband is doing well also. Together we healed and grew stronger.
It is of my opinion that sometimes we need to go to a doctor not associated with our spouse. This is not always true for all couples. If you feel you are not being heard then my opinion is to seek a new doctor. Every one's life is different and we all must find what works for us.
Caregivers speak up don't try to take on all the responsibility. It is not selfish or shameful to let others know when you are ill or just burned out. There is no shame in getting ill and we must realize that we are not always the super hero caregiver that others want us to be.
Life is Beautiful !!!
Elizabeth🌞
Thursday, December 5, 2019
Taking Back Your Life As A Caregiver
I want to be able to help people that are in a role of care giving and feeling overwhelmed, lost, and perhaps depressed. I am no expert with any official training. I am however an expert on my own life and telling a story about how I got to sunny skies and hopefully it will motivate someone out there who is struggling to get their life back. Everyday I try to motivate myself to step out of a comfort zone. I believe in God winks and yesterday I heard Mel Robbins a motivational speaker talk about the five second rule. https://melrobbins.com/blog/the-5-second-rule/ This is a fascinating concept that I have already put to use this morning. It is so true that we are the ones who are controlling our life. It is our inner voice that stops us from doing things. No matter how much information someone gives us ultimately it is up to us to do the work to get what we want out of life. It is so true that whenever I want to do something I need to do right now, because after five seconds my mind has either moved to a different thought or told me all the reasons that I can't do something. Check Mel Robbins out, she has already helped me.
Nine years ago I was stuck in a hole as a caregiver and every thought I had was centered around the people that I was caring for. I had lost who I was and began to resent people telling me who I should be. There is a lot of caregiver sites on google that talk about taking care of yourself and building support systems for yourself. I remember people saying to me find a support group, take care of yourself, you need to do this, you need to be strong and the list goes on. However if you are in a position of caring for others it has become like a habit and being told to take care of your own needs is hard. I found that no matter how many alliances, organizations, or groups are out there sometimes you need to have guidance to get you unstuck. They are great sites, but I needed someone to help me learn to take care of myself. I had gotten stuck in a lifestyle and I needed a caregiver. I am going to tell you how I helped myself. It wasn't an overnight cure. It was a journey over the last eight years.
The first thing I had to do was realize I needed some professional guidance. I started googling and found a local therapist. I chose a LMSW. She was someone to talk to about all the things that were bothering me and help me find resources to help the people I was caring for. That is where I started and then it was on to reading about everything that could improve my life. I was told to journal and I already had my blog "My Four Legged Friend Laney", so I took to writing. It was something that I could call my own and it was something that I loved. I needed to be more than just a caregiver.
So breaking the habit of just being a caregiver began about eight years ago I started with little goals to break some old habits. I started making the bed every morning after I got up. It may sound silly but it kept me from getting back in bed and it made me feel good. I loved getting into a nicely dressed bed at night rather than disheveled sheets and the comforter trailing on the floor. It only takes me two minutes to make it and pick up clothes laying on the floor. I won't mention who is leaving their clothes on the floor. LOL!
My husband wasn't on board with making the bed at first especially on the weekends, but he soon learned that I wasn't going to go anywhere without the bed made and he helps make the bed especially if he is hungry. I love you my husband!
So I would like to continue to tell you how I got my life back if you will follow me. I am still a caregiver today for some loved ones but my life is much better. By trial and error I have learned to take care of myself and you can also.
We are the only one that can make our self happy. Stop letting what others say control you. Get ready get set go 5-4-3-2-1. Thank You Mel Robbins !!
Life Is Beautiful !
Elizabeth:)
Nine years ago I was stuck in a hole as a caregiver and every thought I had was centered around the people that I was caring for. I had lost who I was and began to resent people telling me who I should be. There is a lot of caregiver sites on google that talk about taking care of yourself and building support systems for yourself. I remember people saying to me find a support group, take care of yourself, you need to do this, you need to be strong and the list goes on. However if you are in a position of caring for others it has become like a habit and being told to take care of your own needs is hard. I found that no matter how many alliances, organizations, or groups are out there sometimes you need to have guidance to get you unstuck. They are great sites, but I needed someone to help me learn to take care of myself. I had gotten stuck in a lifestyle and I needed a caregiver. I am going to tell you how I helped myself. It wasn't an overnight cure. It was a journey over the last eight years.
The first thing I had to do was realize I needed some professional guidance. I started googling and found a local therapist. I chose a LMSW. She was someone to talk to about all the things that were bothering me and help me find resources to help the people I was caring for. That is where I started and then it was on to reading about everything that could improve my life. I was told to journal and I already had my blog "My Four Legged Friend Laney", so I took to writing. It was something that I could call my own and it was something that I loved. I needed to be more than just a caregiver.
So breaking the habit of just being a caregiver began about eight years ago I started with little goals to break some old habits. I started making the bed every morning after I got up. It may sound silly but it kept me from getting back in bed and it made me feel good. I loved getting into a nicely dressed bed at night rather than disheveled sheets and the comforter trailing on the floor. It only takes me two minutes to make it and pick up clothes laying on the floor. I won't mention who is leaving their clothes on the floor. LOL!
My husband wasn't on board with making the bed at first especially on the weekends, but he soon learned that I wasn't going to go anywhere without the bed made and he helps make the bed especially if he is hungry. I love you my husband!
So I would like to continue to tell you how I got my life back if you will follow me. I am still a caregiver today for some loved ones but my life is much better. By trial and error I have learned to take care of myself and you can also.
We are the only one that can make our self happy. Stop letting what others say control you. Get ready get set go 5-4-3-2-1. Thank You Mel Robbins !!
Life Is Beautiful !
Elizabeth:)
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