I am writing today to talk about when a caregiver gets sick. We are all at sometime going to get ill and unfortunately sometimes it happens when we are the one caring for someone else. I heard more than once and many times over that we must take care of ourselves or we won't be of any good to someone who is ill. This in my opinion can become a stressful situation when you the caregiver and your loved one is ill. I have read all the info out there about the caregivers taking care of themselves and sometimes it boils down to deciding who is going to take of who. There is a lot of stress and guilt that can be overwhelming when you and your loved one needs medical care.
During my career as a nurse I witnessed people who cared for their spouses and ended up ill or passing away from all the stress. It is not for us to judge people for what they felt they had to do. Even though there are organizations and facilities that can help people with care giving it is not without a cost. Sometimes with all the medical bills it becomes difficult for the caregiver to afford to reach out for help. Sometimes it is hard to get other family members to help and sometimes there is no other family members. I hate to sound pessimistic but this is reality for some people. I have found that sometimes total strangers have been willing to help when family didn't. Take a chance and tell everyone that you can reach out to that you are a caregiver. Speaking out opens the door for others to help.
I am the caregiver who was ill when my journey started with my husband back in 2010. I didn't realize how ill I was at the time. I had gone to the doctor on various occasions and reported how badly I felt, but was dismissed with instructions to exercise and eat well. I tried to hide the fact that I felt so bad from everyone. The biggest blow was being told there was nothing wrong and I needed to focus on my husband. I felt that I was not allowed to be ill. His cancer diagnosis trumped any illness I could have possibly had. The cancer also trumped how I felt emotionally. It is true that we here the word cancer and suddenly life is changed forever. That stigma is a hard one to change even though people are living longer with cancer now days.
My illness was left untreated and undiagnosed until 2016. I spent some difficult years trying to get through each day. I made several trips to the doctor over that six year period starting in 2011 and was always wondering if any doctor was going to listen to me. I am sharing this because I feel I made the mistake of seeing the same family doctor that my husband saw. It is my opinion that sometimes we need to be seen by different doctors than our spouse. I was my husband's cancer shadow. I felt that I had become labeled as a hypochondriac and someone who was seeking attention. My husband understood me and appreciated all I did for him and he realized it was a difficult time for me.
I looked for a new doctor somewhere around 2015 and that is when my voice started to be heard. I was a patient with a spouse, but they didn't know his medical history. I was not my husband's cancer shadow, but I was someone who was ill. I am grateful for the doctor that finally figured out what was wrong with me. I am better these days and enjoy my life under the sunny skies. My husband is doing well also. Together we healed and grew stronger.
It is of my opinion that sometimes we need to go to a doctor not associated with our spouse. This is not always true for all couples. If you feel you are not being heard then my opinion is to seek a new doctor. Every one's life is different and we all must find what works for us.
Caregivers speak up don't try to take on all the responsibility. It is not selfish or shameful to let others know when you are ill or just burned out. There is no shame in getting ill and we must realize that we are not always the super hero caregiver that others want us to be.
Life is Beautiful !!!
Elizabeth🌞
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