It is the time of the year when things are suppose to be magical and filled with gratitude and love. We see a lot of people giving to others with big hearts. It is a shame that every day is not like the Christmas season. We decorate our homes with beautiful lights, send cards to people we don't see all year, and gather with family to catch up on what is happening in life. It is a magical time and one that makes us happy and sometimes sad.
The flip side of this season of holiday and cheer is stress and sadness. It reminds us of loved ones we lost and good times that we shared with them. Most people reflect on some kind of memory from a past Christmas whether it is good or bad. We spend time rushing to get the right gifts and hoping that everything is perfect for those around us. It can be stressful for anyone and especially for caregivers who dealing with their own responsibilities and helping the person that they are caring for.
I saw an article today about anticipatory grief. It is grief that happens when caring for someone that is still alive and the uncertainty of their time left with us. I felt this grief with my mother and husband when they were ill. It happens when we see our loved one ill and don't know how long they may be with us. We all know that we are going to die some day, but caring for someone with illnesses that don't have good a prognosis leave us with a sense of uncertainty of the future. We feel a loss of a life that was normal for us and the fear of losing someone that has shared our life is overwhelming to the mind. It is something that is really normal and I feel that people should not try to stop someone from experiencing it. Grief is a natural form of healing.
The anticipatory grief can happen also for elders who are experiencing empty nest and feelings of being a lone and separated from their grown children. I wrote about AG in my other blog a couple of years ago. I have experienced it on and off through my adult life. There is a saying that no matter how prepared we are for death or loneliness it hurts.
The best advice that I can give to others is to let caregivers talk about their fears and listen without judging them. If you know someone that is a caregiver reach out to them and ask how you can help so they may feel less burdened during the holiday season. Sometimes it is hard for the caregiver to ask for help. Sometimes we just have to jump in and remember this is the time of year to give to someone in need.
Visiting elders that live alone is a beautiful gift. The kindness of a hug, a warm plate of food, and talking is one of the greatest gifts for our soul. If unable to visit them pick up the phone and call them. Remember someday it may be you who is lonely.
Life is beautiful !
Elizabeth:)
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